I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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