The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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