it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Randomize
