We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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