So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
