Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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