I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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