covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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