i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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