It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
