Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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