chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
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