who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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