you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Also, beer. Big fan.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
