I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
