haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
