I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
