i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
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Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
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At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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