yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
