Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
