We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you win again, gameday.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
