i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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