i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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