Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
