I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
