is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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