apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
