What did we do last night that was yellow?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize