their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
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He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
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It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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