You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
