they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
