$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
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My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize