you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?