3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
people are starting to question the shark bite story
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
