i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I have already put on my inside pants.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
