Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize