Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
