Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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