I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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