sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It's rum buckets o'clock
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
the raccoons are back...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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