The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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