Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
