The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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