today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
