is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
