Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
