im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
