mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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