when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I did not marry a roomba.
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