She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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