in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
