get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
