you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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