How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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