Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My life is pants optional.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
