I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
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Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
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At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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