Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
