Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
