So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
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Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
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All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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