My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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