I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
