I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
