Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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