I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
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So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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