I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
