Michael Bay diarrhea
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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