she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
