I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Two words: blizzard sex
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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