The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
