I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
